In Sheffield, a vicar was hospitalised with a potato up his bum.
In what has been described as a half-baked explanation, he claims he fell backwards onto the spud whilst hanging curtains, naked. He added he was surprised by the events, as he usually keeps his eyes peeled.
An investigation has revealed the act was quite deliberate, after police said that the vicar had been reported to them by one of his flock, and that he had been exposed by a shepherd spy. The vicar had got pretty mashed earlier in the evening and was feeling quite chipper before the incident, which occured at a potato clock. He briefly had second thoughts about what he was about to do, but wasn't pomme deterred as the potato was very a-peeling. He considered putting the potato on his knob, but didn't want to see himself as a dick-tater. Afterwards, he went to hospital, complaining that his arse was sore-teed.
The bishop has since given the vicar a thorough roasting. His explanation regarded as a load of waffle, his reputation in tatties, he has gone back to his roots, but may still not avoid the sack. Another vicar told us "It looks like he's had his chips." The vicar is thought to be small fry to the bishop and to have frittered away his career.
We should note it is not the first time he has been involved in controversy, previously he was accused of attempting to stick a potato in a friar. The vicar has accused the bishop of having a chip on his shoulder since that incident.
Me? I'm just a common-tater. You? You're all spec-taters. I should probably jacket in.